The Words I Couldn't Say

These past two months have came with a lot of opportunities, of which i am extremely great full for!

Its hard to believe that my time at Penn State is almost half over...it seems like it has just begun, but you know what they say--time flies, and it sure does! for as hard of a time i had in the beginning of my college journey, i'm 100% finally happy to say I'm glad i stayed here in happy valley. so many great experiences, opportunities, and friendships have came my way as a penn stater, and i definitely would not have gained them anywhere else.

Just taking some time reflecting on everything that has happened just puts me in absolute "AWE!" THON. Relay. Band. The Second Mile. BFF's. Interning for Hillary really make me appreciate life a little more everyday.

like who in their normal life would decide to stand for 46 hours for the kids? who would "party" and stay enthusiastic in freezing pouring rain for the portion of relay that wasn't canceled.? who would joke back and forth with people about using "the pickety third" for a pick up line? who would spend a week + playing about every version of Tag and large group games with a bunch of little kids and losing your voice in the process? who would go run around wal-mart in the wee hours of the morning and laugh the entire time? who would mischievously circulate the entire penn state campus from midnight - 3am promoting Bill Clinton's rally? i'd say not the average person...thats what makes us here at Penn State so unique and so amazing!

but its not like we take the pride and glory for ourselves...we do it to make a difference in other's lives. those suffering from cancer, or the at risk kids, and just the average American. and we definitely appreciate every minute of it-- no matter how tired we may be, or how many people put us down along the way. at the end of the day, we can look back and see what has been accomplished :)

P.S. "Heather! we met bill! lmao" yess!!! 7000+ people in rec hall to see bill tonight=simply amazing, and we helped make that happen!!! still totally stoked. p.s.s. sean-we totally met bill tonight!! ha

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson~

Don't Fade Away...

so pretty much spring break is here....i feel like it was winter break like just yesterday.

while...on the other hand, so much has happened and so much has left unsaid.
i guess i have a hard time expressing myself, is it because i'm scared to see what will happen? i'm not sure why i have a hard time doing it. something i'll have a dream (which is a rarity) in which i'll be doing what i want to happen in real life, then when i try to go to do that...i like freeze. i should just be bold and say what i want to say, because if its left unsaid no one will know what you want to say.

I suppose you can say my mind has been revolving about one thing specific, although i dont regret, this is something i wish if i could go back in time--i would do this differently. it could have been something that could have changed everything (well not everything, but you know)

okay...so i'm gonna stop being vague and go study--perhaps i'll even be a tad more confident, ugh...well see

i just hope its not too late

HUMAN!

so i watched the last two episodes of scrubs tonight....omg the series finale was great-but such a cliffhanger...we dont know if Elliot married keith, if jd ended up with kim and the baby, or maybe just maybe elliot and jd realized they should be together-and they could make it work!

so in the 2nd to last episode there was this great song by Jon Mclaughlin called Human, i definitely can relate to them :) and i think you can too...take a look

Can you tell me how we got in this situation,
I can’t seem to get you off my mind,
all these ups and downs,
they trip up our good intentions,
nobody said this was easy ride.

After all we’re only human,
always fighting what we’re feeling,
hurt instead of healing,
after all we’re only human,
is there any other reason why we stay instead of leavin’ after all

Can we get back to the point of this conversation,
when we saw things through each others eyes,
cause now all I see is ruin and devastation,
we all need some place we can hide inside and

After all we’re only human,
always fighting what we’re feeling,
hurt instead of healing,
after all we’re only human,
is there any other reason why we stay instead of leavin’

I’m smart enough to know,
that life goes by,
and it leaves a trail of broken bones behind,
if you feel I’m letting go,
just give me time,
I’ll come running to your side,

Can you tell me how we got in this situation,
I can’t seem to get you off my mind cause

After all we’re only human,
always fighting what we’re feeling,
hurt instead of healing,
after all we’re only human,
is there any other reason why we stay instead of leavin’

After all we’re only human,
always fighting what we’re feeling,
hurt instead of healing,
After all we’re only human,
is there any other reason why we stay instead of leavin’ after all

Any other reason
to stay instead of leavin’
after all, yeah

On Diamonds We Will Dance...Cancer Does Not Stand A Chance

anyone can be a star
when you're rocking on guitar
F-T...F-T-K

so continuing from earlier...a camera definitely helps with the chronological-aty of the weekend :)

A couple of my favorite memories of the weekend!!

• the tunnel of love
• the walk...around the world! getting a massage in Rockefeller Center
  
• learning the line dance and doing it 46 times or so...
• Visitors
• Pre-historic mail call :) my letters/cards were fabulous, motivational, hilarious
• OOOorange winning color wars!
• moralers
• water gun battles with kids
• massages especially from some of the tators
• family hour
• one big dance party
• the pep-rally (despite standing practically still for 2ish hours it hurt so bad)
  
• the sea of colors throughout the BJC
  

In addition to seeing people on shift i left out some key people Alyssa, who's our co-pres for SPSEA also a regulator, Cathy another regulator whom i met through ed thp-she came up with some awesome THON mail, chelsea with opp also came to visit when she wasn't on shift :) woohoo gilmore girl parties, which are truly missed, allison with PR--she was uber supportive throughout the entire weekend and i saw her alot. some kids on morale-Ben sporting his new hair cut was great, derek-ed thp recitation w/ david!, quortney who caught me during a beginning of a break down was there, j.love whom i met through relay, laura with some SPSEA love, my fellow dancer moralers :-D, and kt-tri cross love and past dancer experiance!! everyone on shift was great. including captains catlin rubies and commandos 2 years srong, bethany fellow education major, lauren kay-last years committee, and lauren and hallie from relay!!
continuing on with fellow dancer friends! my SPSEA girls were amazing!! Allison, Sam, and Catie! you guys were great it was awesome dancing along side of you for 46 hours. and my piggy back for catie was amazing...our 87 load was great :) haha though ben thought i was crazy!
Kelly--some more spsea love..and go ORANGE! lauren fellow orange color wars partner, friend w/ ryan and also another ruby! andrea...2nd mile :), and some more!! i'm so proud of all 708 dancers we did an amazing job!

now for the remainder of people that came to visit me!!
My Asians--suong, boi, thuy, nugget :) you guys were awesome....if only through the pit, your cookies were amazing--i shared them with either my moraler or another dance i can't remember! but they were delicious...some peanutbutter too :) yumm!!! love you guys. shafin found me on the floor...decided to shoot me with his squirt gun even though i told him no a million times, then i beat him in a push up contest, how embarrassing is that, seriously! Melissa found her way onto the floor to visit the thespians but found me in the mean time....she was great! i'm so glad i decided to do band and meet awesome people...i love how we joked about brining my clarinet and practicing for our playing midterm on the THON floor! sometime saturday evening my parents and little brother came! it was great for them to come and experience what THON really is, i hope it opened my lil bro's eyes up about what you can do in college and hopefully he'll apply himself more in school and use his intelligence a little more and stop slacking off! THON weekend also taught my mom how to text message...haha thats just funny! but they enjoyed themselves so i'm glad they made the trip from the 'burgh! some people came to visit me a couple times, but sean was the last one i saw THON weekend...he tried coming earlier like some time saturday night? not sure what time but my phone was dead so he called and i didn't know...i felt soo bad, but he came back during family hour which was great. especially since i saw him after the emotional part of family hour, and since i didn't see my moraler for a while, it was awesome!!--all the pumped up music was playing, lol sweet caroline came on and we didn't know a majority of the lyrics just the "SWEET CAROLINE oh oh oh...touching me....touching you part" haha. but for some reason it was all my shoulders that were sore i and still have a knot in my shoulder...so he massaged it and it felt soo good. but it was a good last visit we just stood there talking about the weekend, he was supportive and such it was awesome!!! then he had to go get work done...so he sent me back to my SPSEAers! (apparently he got his nittany notes done so thats good)

hmm...anything else about this past weekend! i dunno for now but it was AMAZING, INSPIRATIONAL, UNBELIEVABLE....i'd say dancing is the most physical and one of the most emotional things i've ever experienced in my entire life. i love how everyone involved in THON doesn't have a voice today...it just show's how dedicated we are to the cause and the kids!

Chica Chica Yea....Bed time :) Love THON 2008 .... thanks for all the support, i wouldn't have made it without every minute of it!!!!!

Dollar Dollar Bills Yea...For the for the kids yea!

THON 2008 WAS SOOO AMAZING :)

we raised $6,615,318.04 for the kids! 1.4 million more than last years total! great job everyone

that is 6.6 million reasons to SMILE, 6.6 million reasons to HOPE!

So a little bit about the weekend...it started 4pm on friday, after our 2nd dancer meeting where the kirby family talked to us about their experience through THON and their battle with Max's cancer. so the tears started to flow! the tunnel to the BJC was awesome....it started raining on our way over. i saw everyone on Morale and different committees that would be supporting me and all of the dancers that weekend, hugged and high-fived everyone (caused a traffic jam which they said not to do) haha but it was worth it! so then we kicked THON off and it was amazing to see all the Dancers stand up for the first time :) my moraler WUuu was there for the beginning! that was sweet! she got me some cool stuff to start THON off with and surprised me throughout the weekend with different gifts! she even made me a Steelers Cape!!

It was great seeing my R & R committee when they were on the floor and through the hallways of the BJC <3>

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

Why do people change?
Why do friends fall apart from one another?
Why is it when you think you truly know someone a superficial behavior/person draws you apart?
is it jealous? a want? a need?
could something in their life be missing and you aren't what they need anymore?

It has been almost two years since i've lost one of my best friends. i took her to boyce park to teach her how to snowboard one night--that night she took two HARD falls: one on her head another on her heart. ever since that night i feel i haven't known the same person and the rest of my friends can agree with that. we used to be like sisters--sharing everything with one another. even dating another pair of best friends our Junior year of high school--oh the memories with the mooners! hah-whose turn is it for a nose bleed now?!? we were practically inseparable we even almost drove to Virginia one night because i was so frustrated and relax by driving--i could just get away from everything and anything and with your best friend by your side what could go wrong?

Maybe there was something that this boy provided that her longtime friends do not. we dont' see it...and feel like she doesn't think she did anything wrong-just us in the wrong. i guess he love her in someway we can't, but i wish she is with someone who appreciates her more...than this one.

This still weights heavy on my mind and heart..maybe because when you know someone for 9ish years they really grow on you. she's a smart girl we have faith that maybe one day she'll realize whats going here and Wake Up!

Personally, when i lose my closest friends and their friends parents for a significant other...i'd probably ask myself whats going on here? that doesn't seem to be beneficially physically, emotionally, and socially by any means. but everyone is open to their own ideas and interests, right? right!

you can't get caught up on things like this though. if you know you're storng you know you can move past it and "just SMILE" like Barry always makes me do before we hang up the phone or talking in any means.

Honesly, it makes you feel 150% better when you just smile or laugh....it may seem cheesy, but seriously try it. its great therapy. like even Hillary does it during debates...so it has to be alright :)

Phew....that feels better, plus only 2 more hours till nap time on the bus00who would have thought 4th grade math would have been so exciting? did you know that the largest number in a division problem is the dividend?

haha..i wrote this at like 12 noon when i was bored observing today!

God Bless the Broken Road

Today I observed in Johnstown at East Side Elementary School. While waking up at 5:15am was not fun a lot of things started to go my ways except for not being able to zip up the back of my dress by myself (and of course no one else was up this early to help) so i just went with the flow. So i left my room and headed up Frasier while the Blue Loop was pulling up! then i got to Shields and there was a charter bus there! it was great because buses 1 & 2 were school buses (sorry guys). therefore i was able to to get about 2 hours of sleep on the bus. while observing i got a little bored so i glanced back on some previous journal entries and realized i need to start writing again--not just off and on or when i'm in a slump perhaps writting will help me express myself as i tend not to do and let everything build up and maybe it will help me not over analyze a lot of situations that are sometimes out of my hands and realize that i should rely on someone else when it comes to problems. like our Lord because hes amazing and here for us.

On a lighter note--THON--is literally less than 24 hours away! I am really excited to see my family and friends. because i know i will definitely need their support, motivation, and their bodies to lean on (literally) especially when it comes down to the wee hours and i'm becoming a little worn out and delerious!

Once THON is over i know the semester wis going to fly by and so many awesome things are coming up. i'm ready for it because i'm not in it alone!

Especially the Rascal Flatts and Taylor Swift concert August 30th!! Yesss!!!